


Atypical

by amscribbles



Series: even as time goes by [3]
Category: Super Junior
Genre: Canon Compliant, Hyukjae-Centric, M/M, Pre-debut Super Junior, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 14:15:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10439490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amscribbles/pseuds/amscribbles
Summary: Donghae is weird sometimes. It’s not a bad thing. It’s definitely not.





	

**Author's Note:**

> No one asked for this but I'm doing a canon-compliant SERIES cries please anticipate ;_____;  
>   
> I thought of doing something before the babies come back. Some may not be as accurate as real life events but I'm doing my best haha! Most scenes in this one are set on pre-debut era. Pre-SJ formation even. The dorm they were living in was based on the stories they told before that they used to room with DBSK. This may or may not be the first and last pre-debut scenes I'll be doing lol we'll see. Also please take note that they were 17 in this fic and their characters will eventually grow so don't make any judgments based on their actions lol i'm blabbering you'll see when you get there, hehe
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy! :)

When he was told that a friend dropped by to see him, Hyukjae isn’t really expecting his boyfriend.

Don’t get him wrong, he isn’t complaining, there’s nothing he wants more than to be with Donghae. But they also just saw each other with the rest of the band a few days ago that the second he sees him, he is instantly struck with the morbid thought that something must have gone wrong.

Donghae is doing little finger guns at him from where he stands though, stomping at the anxiety Hyukjae managed to build up at the five-minute walk from the quarters to the grounds. He is bundled in a warm long down coat, the only defence he has against the February weather, that and the snapback on his head. He’s bouncing on his toes, it’s probably from the cold but Hyukjae would bet his lunch and dinner for today that Donghae will insist it’s because he’s happy to see him. The dork. Hyukjae feels the corner of his lips twitch up, apprehension utterly gone.

“Yo!” Donghae greets as soon as Hyukjae is close enough, aiming for a high-five. Hyukjae gives in and he should’ve known than to actually do so because Donghae is twisting his own wrist and arm away just before their palms met. Hyukjae rolls his eyes at Donghae’s huge grin.

“It’s 2017 and you still do that, you’re not even spending that much time with Jungsoo-hyung lately.” Hyukjae mumbles.

“It’s 2017 and you still fall for it!” Donghae sticks his tongue out and laughs, still bouncing on his toes and Hyukjae notices his coat’s parted in the middle, revealing the dark blue plaid shirt he has underneath.

He reaches for the coat instinctively, hauling Donghae with it and making him stop from wiggling around.

“It’s freezing cold out here and you couldn’t even manage to zip up your coat properly.” He mumbles, closing off the coat tightly and pressing Donghae’s hands on top of it so he’ll be fully covered. Donghae lets go a few seconds after, sniffing and distracted with Hyukjae’s black gloves.

“This looks like the gloves you wore in SJM promotions—,”

“Zip up your coat, you idiot.” Hyukjae nags, pulling Donghae closer yet again to zip up the coat himself.

“Hyukjae, I don’t know if I’ve said this in person before but,” Hyukjae pats Donghae’s coat as he finishes zipping him up, staring back at Donghae when the other leaves his sentence hanging. The idiot must be waiting for him to do so because as soon as their eyes meet, he grins.

“You look really hot in your uniform.” He wiggles his eyebrows, scrunches his nose up and throws an over the top wink. “Looking good, Captain Yoo Shijin!” He trumps it all with a salute. Ridiculous. His boyfriend is.

“Stop calling me that.” Hyukjae says flatly, “You’re not even Song Hye Kyo material,” he mutters as an afterthought, averting his gaze and pretending to be annoyed. Pretending he’s not milliseconds away from beaming widely.

Donghae snorts and punches his shoulder lightly. Or as lightly as Donghae’s punches could be.

“No one said I’ll be Doctor Kang, you’re so full of yourself.” Donghae says, sniffs again. “But you look good. I don’t want to say this because I don’t want you to get too big-headed but, well, I’m an honest man.” He shrugs, looking over the ground, uncaring, as if he’s saying something mundane. Hyukjae smiles, they haven’t really made a move to step away from each other since he hauled Donghae in earlier. The corner of his lips twitch, tilting his head a little to the side.

“Big head where?”

He grins cheekily at the gasp Donghae lets out, chuckling at the huge, overly embroidered scandalized eyes his boyfriend gives him.

“Gross!” Donghae accuses. “Seriously man, in broad daylight.” He rolls his eyes but there’s already the making of a smile on his face.

“You said worse things.” Hyukjae utters, getting the mind to check their surrounding in case someone might have heard. It’s a rather witty banter, none like the ones they used to do when they know they’ll be alone for a while, none that will create problems but, it pays nothing to be cautious. The closest ones are a couple of underlings given the task to sweep the ground, too engrossed in their task, probably wanting to finish it early.

It’s cold anyway.

Hyukjae looks back at Donghae, his hands buried in his coat pockets, his nose red. He is starting to bounce on his feet again and it’s like negative degrees out here but Hyukjae...

Hyukjae feels warm.

“Donghae-ya, why are you here?”

Donghae blinks. Hyukjae knows the answer even before the words come out of his lips.

“Because I want to see you.”

And really, it’s as simple as that.

 

//

 

It’s quarter pass 2 in the morning.

Perhaps he shouldn’t be here. It was way passed their practice hours, way passed the time Hyukjae should’ve been asleep if he’s being truthful. He has classes tomorrow, technically later today, at 8, and seriously his first period teacher got the habit of breathing fire to anyone tardy and he might end up dead, if Jungsoo hasn’t managed to kill him yet if he makes any noise when he sneaks in some time later. But Cheolsu-hyung had given them the permission to use the dance room to their hearts content today. So Hyukjae did.

He was working on a particular choreography, one he originally worked with Sungmin and Junsu. Sungmin decided a few weeks ago he’d focus on his voice lessons for now and Junsu, well Junsu has Dong Bang Shin Ki’s debut to worry about now.

He wasn’t bitter. No. He wished it’s as simple as that, because then he could just let it out on Junsu and Junsu would buy him noodles for now and bribe him with meat later. He’s proud of him. He’s his best friend and he’s one of (if not the most) hardworking trainees in the company.  Junsu was set to live his dream, the dream they used to fantasize about during rainy ramen nights or worn out after-training trips to the nearest convenient store. It’s all happening for him. And Hyukjae’s happy. He really was.

It’s just, what he’s feeling right now has nothing to do with their friends debuting but everything about that annoying, berating feeling of when would it be their turn. He knew it’s only a matter of time for each and every one of them, but how long that time would be he’s not exactly sure. He knew of trainees who spent years working and sweating their hearts out yet never making it, of those who grew tired waiting they just had to leave for another company, or dropped off and completely let go of the dream itself. He heard stories, witnessed them, and even though Jungsoo had enough pep talks about how your efforts and faith would go a long way, still, there were moments, Hyukjae had his doubts.

Like today, right now, while he lost count on just how long he had been twisting and popping his limbs, waving his arms and swaying his hips to the beat of the song, eyes focused on his reflection before him. He was sweating profusely, his muscles starting to ache, but Hyukjae just, he couldn’t stop. Because once he did he’d be filled of those dreaded thoughts he was trying to get rid of.   

Was there a point to all this? Would he ever be good enough? He squeezed his eyes and went over the choreography once again, restarting the track, moving through the steps from the top. He wanted to practice until he breaks, until he’s deadbeat and aching in the right places, until his body would beg him to just fucking sleep.

Because if Hyukjae wouldn’t then he’d have to think about all this again, and if he’d think about it, he’d be bothered by it. And if he’s bothered the others would surely notice, because really, there’s nothing you can hide in a tiny space for twelve boys. And once they noticed, some ( _some_ namely Jungsoo and Siwon and Donghae) would demand him to talk about it. And really, if there were two things Hyukjae admittedly wasn’t good at, that would be talking, and feelings. And yeah, talking about his feelings would be the fucking nightmare.

So when the song ended, Hyukjae started again. And again. And again.

Until he all but slumped on the mattress he always shared with someone else, Ryeowook tonight it seemed. And Jungsoo hissed at him when he made a noise when he entered, or was it Youngwoon? He wasn’t sure. But he was tired, so tired, and it hurt but it hurt in all the right places.

And his brain was begging for him to stop doing anything and just sleep.

So sleep he did.

//

 

Hyukjae always had the trouble of expressing himself. Whether it was to tell Donghee he was doing so well with his dance moves or that Geng’s Korean was improving as days went by. He especially wouldn’t say anything when a throwaway comment from Youngwoon or Heechul had hurt him a little, or if the way the boys were so rowdy and wild sometimes made him uncomfortable. He could be noisy and playful at times too, but when he needed to talk about feelings he would just, close off, meek asudden, refusing to say anything and staying silent until the topic was dropped off.

He supposed that’s what most people do, no one wanted unnecessary conflicts after all. Or, God forbid, petty confrontations. He would forget about it eventually so why bother in the first place. He’s used to sucking it up, there’s little room for feelings in the world they’re trying to take part in. He never talked about it, couldn’t even think of ever talking about it.

So really, Hyukjae wasn’t so sure how Donghae made it all seemed easy.

“I think you should apologize to me.”

Hyukjae was currently in a conversation with Jongwoon, and they both lifted their heads in time to find Donghae pouting right back at a cackling Heechul, Youngwoon and Kibum.

“Come on Donghae,” Heechul said, still grinning, and Hyukjae supposed it was because it’s Donghae, one of his favourite people in this company, that he was letting him get away with it. Not everyone could talk back at Heechul and live to tell the tale.

“No.” Donghae insisted and everyone in the practice room was obviously eavesdropping, wondering if a commotion would take place. Heechul’s smile dimmed a fraction.

“You lot are always making fun of my accent. I’m working on it, I’m getting better at it. I’m doing my best and you know it, hyung.” The southern accent was still evident when Donghae spoke, but Hyukjae figured it was more for the reason that he’s upset. And a bit angry. Give it any other day, Donghae was good, a bit of stuttering here and there yes, but good. He’d been in Seoul for years now anyway. Still, there were days there were relapses and unfortunately, his friends were ever present to make fun of him.

“You should apologize to me.” He repeated, standing his ground. Donghae looked small, Hyukjae thought. Seventeen and bony and small. And brave, apparently. His gaze was unwavering, chin lifted up a tad as he waited for his friends to speak. To apologize.

Hyukjae guessed the rest of the practice room were gearing to witness a fight. Not exactly a _fight_ , Cheolsu-hyung and the higher ups would kill them if they did dare to brawl right there, in the sacred practice room. (Well, not if Jungsoo had killed them all first anyway.) But a fight nonetheless. Shoving shoulders, the classic ‘Who do you think you’re talking to?’ type of fight until one concedes. Everyone’s most likely expecting Donghae would back down. He didn’t look like he would.

Hyukjae thought he wouldn’t either.

“Fine,” Heechul said after some time and he glared at Youngwoon when the other snickered. He went over and pulled Donghae under his arm, bopping his nose playfully with his thumb. Hyukjae could practically hear the rest of the room groaned in disappointment.

“I’m sorry we made fun of you.” Heechul uttered, his voice a tad fond. Hyukjae knew he wouldn’t speak like this if it wasn’t Donghae. “It’s because you’re cute when you’re mad.” Heechul cooed and Donghae scrunched up his face but he didn’t look upset anymore. Youngwoon and Kibum soon joined them, apologizing and teasing Donghae for being cute. Just like that everyone in the practice room was off to whatever they’re doing prior the drama, if it was even considered a drama in the first place.

Hyukjae could hear Donghae laughing with Heechul now, his accent still palpable once in a while. If Heechul and the rest noticed it, they didn’t say a word.

They didn’t laugh at him either.

 

//

 

Lee Donghae was a weird kid.

Hyukjae didn’t mean it in a bad way, Donghae’s one of his friends, they got on the first day they met. He was actually one of his closest, being same age and all and if there was someone he could trust the most in the company aside from Junsu, Sungmin and Jungsoo, that would be Donghae no doubt.

It’s just, there were not words to accurately describe him but, well, weird.  

He was whiny and childish at best. He’s violent whether he was angry or happy, Hyukjae being one of the receiving ends of his many arm punches and neck slaps. He’s sensitive and a cry baby, easily angered, easily distracted.

He’s also driven and passionate. He’s confident with his skills, yet at the same time he worked as hard as everyone else. Always looking for ways to improve, always trying to learn something new.

He’s a bit dumb but he’s also a bit cool. He’s weird. But in a good way.

He’s also the most spontaneous and impulsive kid Hyukjae ever knew. Hyukjae wasn’t sure how to handle him sometimes.

“Hyukjae-ya,” Donghae sat before him while he indulged on the free lunch Cheolsu-hyung treated the team that day.  “You wanna go camping later?”

Hyukjae slurped the last of his japchae, frowning at Donghae. He tried to answer, tried to speak with his mouth full.

“Yeah, camp!” Donghae got him nevertheless. “We’ll be with Sungmin-hyung and Siwon and I’m still trying to get Jongwoon-hyung and Kibum to join but whatever, you wanna go?”

It was almost summer. They were literally wearing thin shirts and shorts for practice. He would rather stay back and work on his dance to be honest, if Cheolsu-hyung permitted and it seemed he would so considering he's being generous today. If he wouldn't Hyukjae would definitely hit the sack early, wouldn't mind basking in the quiet and comfort of their tiny room for a few minutes before the rest of the boys come barging in. It's always a tight squeeze. But he guessed it's better now since they were already five heads shorter than they were before.

 

The food was suddenly hard to swallow, his grip on the chopsticks tightening a tad. _Don't think about it_ , Hyukjae scolded himself quietly. _Don't think_.

 

"What, you wanna go? You should go! It's going to be fun!" Donghae was speaking a little louder than he should've, his tone almost squeaky. He looked excited. Hyukjae gobbled down his food and looked back at Donghae.

 

"Why do you want to camp anyway?"

 

//

 

Donghae didn't have an answer aside from because he wanted to. And because he thought it's a good idea.

 

The camp wasn't actually a camp, but there's a pathetic tent Kibum brought and they built it right in the middle of their dorm building's rooftop. Hyukjae wasn't even sure if they're allowed to be there at that time, if they're even allowed there at all but he guessed the place was better than the initial plan to wander around until they find a perfect spot.

 

It was not really a camp, because they decided it wasn't the best idea to squish in five teenage boys in such a tiny tent. There were cheap snacks and sodas though, plus a couple of tteokbokki servings Donghae and Sungmin managed to charm off Cheolsu-hyung earlier. It was not really a camp, but they were together and for once, after a really long time, it wasn't because they have dance steps to perfect or lyrics to memorize.

 

"We could've invited some of the hyungs. They might get mad if we tell them where we're up to," Sungmin mused, though he didn't look like he's actually worried at all.

 

Kibum snorted beside Donghae, playing a game console Hyukjae remembered to be Heechul's.

 

"They won't come even if we beg them too." Kibum uttered nonchalantly. "They're on a group date."

 

"Group date?" Hyukjae asked through a mouthful of hot tteokbokki and Donghae laughed when sauce fell off his mouth.

 

He cackled, grabbing Hyukjae's chin to remove the sauce off with his thumb, only to lick his finger right after. Sungmin made a face, eyeing the pair of them with feigned disgust. Donghae just stuck his tongue and laughed even more.

 

He's really weird, Hyukjae thought.

 

But in a good way.

 

Anyway.

 

"They're on a date?" Hyukjae asked, somehow amazed. 

 

"Yep. Heechul-hyung, Jungsoo-hyung, Youngwoon-hyung and somehow Geng-hyung was added in the mix because girls find his broken Korean cute." Kibum replied with a shrug.

 

"Looks like hyung's loitering around the female trainees finally paid off." Siwon chuckled and Sungmin scoffed.

 

"Boys were banned on girls' practices and hyung still scored dates! Ahhhh! I'm jealous!" Sungmin whined and Hyukjae couldn't help but feel a bit envious as well.

 

Of course he knew the possibility of him scoring a date wasn't as high as his hyungs, they're naturally pretty boys after all. Plus they're in their twenties, in their prime and in the perfect age for dating. And it's not like he could actually squeeze in a girlfriend with training and school but, still, Hyukjae was just a hopeless 17 year old boy after all.

 

"I heard they're actually college students from that university nearby? I forgot the name. But Heechul-hyung met them in the computer shop he frequents lately, and they agreed to hang out together."

 

"Bet you he's still saying they're about to debut as Four Seasons." Siwon commented and the rest of them snickered.

 

"Only that Four Seasons is actually just Two Seasons now because Yunho and Jaejoong are debuting in another group!" Sungmin chipped in.

 

"They can be Four Seasons with Jungsoo-hyung and Geng-hyung." Donghae remarked, shoving more chips in his mouth.

 

"That's the plan actually. It's a good thing Donghae-hyung refused to go, or else they have to rename the non-existent band to Five Seasons. Which doesn't make sense at all." Kibum continued, shaking his head. Donghae coughed from where he was munching his chips.

 

"Donghae was supposed to go?" Sungmin asked, eyeing Donghae this time. Hyukjae eyed him as well, noticing the faint blush that crept on his cheeks.

 

"Donghae-hyung is popular with the noonas. Didn't you know? They dig his cute, innocent face." Kibum's tone was suddenly mischievous, reaching out to pinch Donghae's cheek lightly.

 

"Stop it kid, I'm older than you!" Donghae tried to warn, but failing to look intimidating with his cheeks full of chips. Kibum snorted, leaning back and grinning at the rest of the group.

 

"He's originally part of the group date. But he backed out as soon as Heechul-hyung threw in the idea. He's scared to talk to girls." 

 

"I'm not!!" 

 

Donghae was full-on blushing and Hyukjae knew by the grins the rest of them were sporting that they were all thinking the same.

 

Donghae was one cute kid. Especially when he's flustered.

 

"Remember that one time he said Yuri is cute and when Jungsoo-hyung got them to speak to each other he didn't say anything! He just talked to me the whole time!" Hyukjae quipped and Donghae's face resembled into a tomato.

 

"Ahhh such a sweet kid! You don't have to be afraid. It's not like they bite... hard."

 

"Choi Siwon!" Sungmin bellowed before a chorus of laughter resonated throughout. Hyukjae briefly wondered if the sodas they're drinking were spiked, Kibum once admitted on doing that when they were out with the hyungs. But then again, alcohol or not, they're a bunch of teenage boys after all.

 

"You guys are ruining the fun." Donghae sulked and when Hyukjae reached out to pinch his cheek, his hand was slapped away, followed by a punch on his shoulder. Hyukjae groaned.

 

"Why do you have to hit me!" He whined. Donghae glared at him before snatching his cup of tteokbokki away.

 

Donghae's cute when he's flustered. He's hella violent as well.

 

The rest of them suffered from a few arm and neck slaps through the course of the night.

 

 

//

 

 

"We should do this a lot."

 

"Throwing trash?" Hyukjae grinned when Donghae shot him a defiant stare, laughed when Donghae rolled his eyes. He carried on kicking the garbage so he can close the lid of the dumpster completely. 

 

It was almost 1 and the rest were back at the dorm, an intense battle of rock-paper-scissors left the two of them on clean-up duty. It’s not like there were so much to tidy aside from the empty cans of sodas and bags of chips, Kibum’s tent that served as their sorry excuse to call what they did ‘camping’ already folded and probably thrown somewhere in the apartment.

 

“I meant this, like eating and talking about stupid things.” Donghae explained, kicking a few clutters around the bin.

“Stupid things like how you’re scared to talk to girls?” Hyukjae teased even more, finally managing to shut the lid off.

“I’m not scared! It’s just… I don’t know what to say without looking like an idiot. It’s awkward.” Donghae muttered with a pout, burying his hands inside his jean’s pockets.

They walked back to the dorm’s front door, navigating through the quiet night. Hyukjae briefly wondered if the hyungs were back. Did they have a good time? Did they get to win another date? He wondered if they could even find the time to be in a proper relationship with training and other things in between. But then again it’s not like they’d be trainees forever.

 _Debut requires more commitment though_ , he mused in silence. _But that ain’t even sure for any of us. It’s not like I’m going to debut after all_. He bit his bottom lip, hand tightening into a fist. _Stop thinking._

“It’s just nice, you know? To take a break from school and rehearsals? I think if I spent another day listening to Cheolsu-hyung’s ppam ppam ppam I’ll go crazy!” Donghae blurted all of a sudden, briefly imitating the moves their choreographer had taught them. Hyukjae blinked and watched him laughed at himself.

“It’s good. Kinda take your mind off of things. Even just for a few fleeting moments.” He kept on, a soft, tired smile on his face.

Hyukjae briefly wondered if Donghae got thoughts like he did, if the rest of the boys fret like he did. He marveled if they beat up their bodies until they dropped, until they were too drained to even think. How do they cope? Find distractions? Play games? Go out on dates? Do impromptu campings?

They were bunch of teenage boys and yet they already worry too much about their future. It wasn’t a bad thing. Hyukjae didn’t want it to think that way.

But sometimes it just got, it got too much. Was this all worth it? Would it all be worth it? Was he wasting his life and youth away over something with no certainty? The future was vast and unknown, and he’s working hard. He’s always working hard. But he knew by experience that hard work didn’t really equate to success everytime.

Hyukjae wondered if it wasn’t too late to go over his choreography. Maybe he could sneak at the rooftop again and danced until his muscles are sore, until he couldn’t move, until these fucking thoughts stop.

“Hyukjae-ya.”

Hyukjae forgot about Donghae for a moment, startling a bit when he heard the other called his name. They were taking the stairs back to their floor, Hyukjae briefly wondered why when they could’ve taken the elevator. But then Donghae was sighing beside him and Hyukjae turned to look at him.

Really look at him.

The huge, bright beam Donghae was sporting earlier now dimmed to a soft smile. His shoulders were hunched a little, hands buried in his pockets. His steps were light, but the sigh he just let out was heavy.

“I saw Yunho-hyung earlier, he told me they’re gearing up for a December debut. He looked very happy.”

Hyukjae bit his inner cheek. He wasn’t sure if he’s ready for this talk yet.

“I’m so glad and proud for hyung. He worked so hard for it. I bet he cries everytime he thinks about it.”

Donghae spoke a little wistfully, a bit bittersweet. Like Hyukjae could tell he’s genuinely happy, but at the same time there’s a hint of sadness as well. Hyukjae figured they must all be feeling just the same.

Donghae heaves another sigh, patting Hyukjae softly as they reached their floor, taking quiet steps over the hallway.

“We’ll get to that point too.” Donghae uttered, his smile encouraging. As if he knew this was something Hyukjae wanted to hear. Something they both wanted to hear.

Hyukjae smiled and shrugged.

“You don’t really know that.” He answered. Because it’s the truth.

“Nah, I believe we would.” Donghae said again and Hyukjae’s about to laugh when Donghae continued, “We’re working hard and we’re giving our all. If that’s not enough, then clearly we are made for bigger things, better things.”

Hyukjae wanted to retort, wanted to say that it’s not that easy to accept that they’re not enough. He wanted to ask, wanted to _know_ how, how could they be enough? How badly could they possibly want this for it to make the big, better things they deserve to have?

 

“Ya, are you going to punch me?”

He wasn’t aware he was trembling and gripping his fist so tightly until Donghae spoke.

Hyukjae heaved a sigh, breathing deeply as he let go of his tight grip, wetting his lips and trying to calm down. He’s getting riled up for nothing. Getting bothered in front of Donghae of all people, who perhaps never gonna let this down until Hyukjae would talk about it.

  
"Are you going to punch me?"

 

Hyukjae didn't even realize he was being obvious. That the mask he had constantly worn had crumbled a bit, that the bitterness only the four walls of their practice room had witnessed began to show. He swallowed the thick lump in his throat and looked away, burying his fists in his pockets, trying to calm down. 

 

_Breathe. Don't let these demons get to you. Just breathe._

 

Maybe he should've really gone to the dance studio after all. Maybe-

 

"Hyukjae-ya I like boys.”

 

Um.

 

What.

 

Hyukjae blinked, the ache he was feeling earlier dimming all of a sudden, replaced by a hint of bewilderment as his eyes focused on his friend. Donghae's expression was unreadable but he was staring right back at Hyukjae as if he was reading his soul. Hyukjae blinked again. Donghae blinked back.

 

"What-,"

 

And then he's grinning, wide and toothy and maybe cute. A little.

 

"Got you, didn't it?"

 

He said and Hyukjae was still confused.

 

"Got your mind off weird thoughts." Donghae supplied, shrugging and averting his gaze. Hyukjae blinked again. 

 

And then Hyukjae laughed.

 

Donghae was one weird kid.

 

He’s chuckling with him as well, punching his arm softly as he passed him by, leaning on the railings and looking out at the rather ugly scenery their apartment’s 8th floor could offer. The soft breeze blew Donghae's bangs off his eyes and there was a gentle smile on his face. It wasn't sad like the one before. It was calm, like the one you wore after coming down from a genuine laughter. It was real.

 

"For a second I thought you were serious." Hyukjae muttered, rubbing his nape, the blush that crept on his cheeks made him suddenly unsure.

 

He looked back and the soft smile on Donghae's face was suddenly different. Hyukjae didn’t know since when he has been an expert about smiles, or with Donghae's expressions for that matter. And yet before Hyukjae could utter a word Donghae was sighing and turning just a tad to speak to him.

 

"You know I hear you, at night. When you come home a little too late." He started and Hyukjae paused, surveying the way the hallway lights touched Donghae's face. "I don't know what's going on. And I kinda wish you'd talk to me about it." He mumbled the last words, a pout evident on his lips.

 

Hyukjae winced. Great, so he wasn't that discreet after all.

 

"I wanted to talk to you about it, but Heechul-hyung said I should let you come to me. And that besides we're not that close enough to have heart to heart talks yet. I resent that idea." He's full on sulking and Hyukjae wasn't even sure if this was even about him anymore. Donghae always got sidetracked, even by his own thoughts.

 

"Anyway, whatever the reason behind your constant late night activities, just-don't dwell on it too much. And if you, like, need distractions. You can always come to me! We'll play together!"

 

Donghae didn't even know what was keeping Hyukjae up late. He didn't know about the ache Hyukjae craved, about the need to be bone-tired so he'd forget everything. He was clueless about the frustration and the need to be enough. He didn't know.

 

But here he was, offering Hyukjae the comfort he didn't think he need.

 

"I know you still miss Junsu sometimes. I miss Yunho-hyung too. But it's going to be okay, yeah? Soon we'll debut as well, and we can all hang out together like before."

 

Hyukjae smiled and shook his head. Donghae was always so positive and naïve and too pure for this world. He looked exactly his age.

 

It was so easy to forget they’re just young boys sometimes.

 

"You really don't know that." Hyukjae said after a beat.

 

"Nah. I'm pretty sure about it. I can feel it. And even if I don't, I'm pretty sure you would nonetheless."

 

There was another smile on his face, something different, something proud.

 

“I highly think you’ll make it, Hyuk-ah. The stage, that’s your niche. You’re born for it.” Donghae grinned, his eyes shining brighter than the light kissing his pretty face. “We're all meant for something in this world. I'm pretty sure performing is the one for you."

Hyukjae wasn't consoled completely, wasn't sold that everything would be alright. He still had the lingering demons in his head. Perhaps they would never go away. He would still be staying up late abusing his body, forcing himself to dance until he couldn't anymore. 

 

But when it all got too much, at least he knew there's someone he could count on to. And that he wasn't alone.

 

That someone believed in him.

 

It wasn't what he wanted, wasn't something he didn't know he wants. But it's comfort.

 

And Hyukjae had been dealing this all on his own for a long time.

 

"I guess."

 

//

 

Some hours later, while Hyukjae lay awake on the mattress he’s sharing with Sungmin that evening, he realized Donghae didn’t exactly deny what he said a while ago.

Secrets were revealed every day, he thought. Hyukjae decided not to dwell on it.

 

//

 

A few months after that fateful evening, the company laid out plans on starting a project group. It’d be a large band, with boys specializing in different fields, each giving the chance to showcase their talents. It’s rather ambitious, a bit controversial, no one debuted with this huge number of members and actually made it before. It was a big risk, but that was business was all about.

Twelve boys were called.

They were eventually known as the first batch of Super Junior.

 

 

//

 

“Let’s take a picture! Let’s go for a serious one because you’re in uniform.”

Donghae is waving his phone, still sniffing, still giddy and perhaps still cold. They should enter the building soon. He’s mentioning something about fanclubs and that they should keep the EunHae love alive for their fans. He’s still spontaneous and a little bit naïve. He still doesn’t make sense sometimes. Still weird.

It’s not a bad thing. No, it definitely isn’t.

He’s still the comfort Hyukjae has gladly welcomed ever since.

“Donghae-ya,” he calls, watching him fumble with his phone while asking someone to take a picture of them.

“Hmm?”

_Thank you. I love you._

“I’m glad you’re here.”

Donghae smiled, toothy and proud and maybe a little bit coy. His cheeks are pink from the cold, but Hyukjae notes they go a little redder than they were before. He knows. He is an expert when it comes to Donghae’s expressions after all.

“I know.” Donghae shouts back, scrunching up his face and walking towards him. Hyukjae would be lying if he says he didn’t anticipate the weak punch that lands on his chest.

“Let’s take this picture and go inside.” Donghae mumbles, schooling his face into something neutral and failing to do so because he can’t stop himself from beaming.

Hyukjae smiles back, watches him. He understands the feeling.

“Okay, let’s go!” Donghae says after a while, turning to the young soldier waiting to take their picture.

Hyukjae shakes his head. It’s still hard not to crack a grin, no, not when his number one source of happiness is beside him.

But he can try.

He looks at the camera and raises his hand for a salute.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you think!!!! The next one will be huge time skip i think, maybe 2009 but I'm still thinking about it lol Also send me some love on [@_ifallelsefails](http://www.twitter.com/_ifallelsefails) or my [askfm](http://ask.fm/chasinghae) . I'M SO NERVOUS ABOUT THIS BYEEEEE


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